Gone Too Far
by YoungAndLiving
Summary: There was nothing significantly wrong with James Potter. Not really. He may have been slightly obsessive, and maybe a tad over protective. Of course, you have to mention that he was only sort of a stalker. But... Whose not?
1. She Just Wanted Him

_She Just Wanted Him_

There was nothing significantly wrong with James Potter. Not really. He may have been slightly obsessive, and maybe a tad over protective. Of course, you have to mention that he was only sort of a stalker. But... Whose not? It's a regular sort of thing. Maybe. Or James Potter may have just been deluding himself, because really, who wants to come to terms that something is wrong with them. Not when you can easily go on pretending differently.

But when one doesn't come to terms with such things, they tend to go too far. At least once. And, honestly, for James Potter, it happened to be a few times more than once. But details are not the main components of this story. The main component is the neither last time or the first, but it will be the story that is told.

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><p>James Potter knew better than anyone else how Lily Evans felt about him. Except maybe Sirius Black, but that isn't relevant yet. James knew only where Evans happened to be at all times, nothing very important. Not to mention he also knew who she was with, unless Sirius stole the map, and then he was only left wondering. It was times such as those that he either dreamed of what could be happening, or actually made something happen. Never when he knew where she was, because James Potter didn't have that much nerve.<p>

Time to time he wondered what had made the Sorting Hat put him in Gryffindor. Shouldn't Gryffindors always go with their guts and not worry about the outcome. Whenever James asked Evans this later, she's tell him that's there's a difference between nerve and stupidity. Sometimes, that is.

But once again, that's looking too far into the future to be...understood. Yet.

All James Potter knew was that tonight he didn't have the map, because Sirius was off gallivanting with some Hufflepuff girls. _Honestly, did he not have standards, _James thought. Which was more than slightly hypocritical, seeing as James had his fair share of Hufflepuffs, and they were all decent, none really stood out though. He constantly compared them to Lily Evans, so truthfully, none had a chance.

Which was terribly sad for them, because the majority were more than slightly head over heals for James Potter. More often or not, after a date with James Potter, a girl could be heard wailing in the halls of Hogwarts, because once again, he had broken another heart.

Ironically enough though, often it Lily Evans who went about fixing such things. She had patrols often enough that whenever there was a crying girl, it was quite likely that she would find them during her rounds. Because for some odd reason she didn't figure out til much later, James Potter happened to go on dates all the nights that Lily had rounds. Which, as she also found later, was known from Remus telling him these seemingly insignificant details.

One this same night that James Potter lacked his map, Lily Evans was _not _doing rounds, oddly enough. But it seem that the Fates looked upon them with kind eyes, or maybe not so kind eyes, in Lily Evans point of view.

* * *

><p>James walked the corridors stealthily, with knowledge of all the crooks and crannies of this place. He made his way back to Gryffindor Common Room, and took a moment to remember the disappointment Lily brought him when she had told him, <em>No, there is NOT separate common room for the Heads. <em>It was a downfall, as that is what had attracted James to the position when he first got his Badge.

Yet, as luck would have it for him, he saw another student walking the halls of Hogwarts as well. And it was a person that James was not ashamed to admit, _Well maybe only a little. She does hate me, you know, _he liked very much. So much, in fact, that at one point he asked her out once a day, without fail, for a year straight. Even showed up at her house during the Christmas hols, and heard her mother gush about what an_ adorable young man _he was.

Quite flattering really, and he would have taken up her offer to eat with them, had his mother not made him promise to be home for supper. Which was more than slightly disappointing, as he would have been happy to slip away during the middle and take a quick peek at Lily's room. Oh well.

So, as it was, he started to follow her, to see if maybe she was also going to the common room, or if she had plans of her own. More or less, he just wanted to see her. And he had to be a stalker to do it, well by God, he would do just that.

Maybe that right there was a sign to show that James may have not been been completely right in the head. But by the looks of where Lily Evans was headed, he had to say, he may be more sane than herself. He saw her turn around to see, ironically if anyone was watching her. Carrying on, she kept to the right and continued to make her way to what looked like the Slytherin Common Room.

And James wasn't as daft to not realize who she was going to meet. And at this point is where the story begins to not only develop, but also get slightly interesting.

At this moment, James decided it was his place to...protect Lily, from doing something stupid. Which, for such a smart witch, was not a rare occurrence. For some reason, she always put herself out there knowing she'd get hurt. Except for one major time which, surprisingly, leads to the next part of the story.

James came up behind Lily and quickly grabbed her arm, following with a hand that covered her mouth.

"What the-" The hand cut her off.

James pulled her behind a tapestry, and gave her a hard look. "What do you think you're doing?"

She, in return, gave him a similar look. "As if you really have any place to ask questions. Are you not the person who pulled _me _behind a tapestry, or am I delusional?"

"Delusional," he told her. She rolled her eyes at his words.

"Well as much as I have enjoyed this...situation. I do have places to go. Places that do not include hiding behind a piece of art, with you."

She made way to leave, but James grabbed her arm. "So I realize that we aren't really friends," she snorted at this, "but we have been fairly civil this year," she raised an eyebrow. "God Evans, I only hexed you once! And you initiated it!"

She began to grow irritated with James. "Really, **I **initiated it?" He face grew redder and redder. "Were you not the one who was throwing frogs at me in the middle of potions, or are we just ignoring that fact?"

He gave her a sheepish smile. "I was sort of hoping we'd skip over that..."

She gave him a look of disgust and began to mutter under her breath about how much of a git he was. She started to speak up. "Why can't you just leave me alone Potter?" She asked him, her voice making her sound defeated, when both knew that in reality, she wasn't even close.

"Because we both know this is far more entertaining than anything else we could be doing." He paused. "Well, except for one thing." He raised his eyebrows.

"That's it," She told him. "I'm out of here."

"Wait," He spoke softly, not even bothering to grab her this time, because she always waits, no matter what she says about wanting to leave. "Why are you going to see Sni- Snape?"

She looked shocked for a second, then confused, and then her face morphed into fury. "You were following me! You didn't just happen to meet me here, you were following me!"

To be honest, he'd thought she'd been smart enough to realize that one right off the bat. Apparently birds really can be daft. Even Lily Evans.

Evening knowing she was right though, he started to defend himself. "I-no-I mean. It's... It's just-"

"It's just what?"

"I was worried about you...that's all."

"You were worried?" He nodded quickly. "About me?" He nodded once more. "Well you don't need to be, do you? I can take care of myself, you know."

This would be the moment when Lily began to pick up speed with her words. "And I will have you know that even if I needed someone, the last person I would ever want to talk to, or ask, is you." She didn't even process what she was saying at this this point, and began to spit out all she had ever thought about James Potter. "You're a pompous git who walks around this school as if you own it. You think you're better than anyone and everyone else, and hex people who can't even defend themselves!"

James raised his eyebrows, not even fazed, just a little confused as to why she was bringing up all of this now. Still, he thought it'd be best to keep the conversation rolling, otherwise she leave to go see _Snivellus. _"At least I have a life, and you know...friends." He told her, faking the menace in his voice.

Not catching the act that he played, her eyes began to blaze. "You are a pigheaded boy whose not even worth my time. I _do _have friends, James Potter, just none of them happen to be _you._" She took a deep breath then.

"Please Evans, books don't count," She looked taken aback at this. "We all know that all you do is spend your time in the library." He paused for affect. "No doubt dreaming about _me_."

Her face, if possible, grew even redder. "I-I-I do NOT dream about the likes of you!"

"I think the lady doth protest too much," He smirked broadly.

"You arrogant toerag!" She looked as if she was coming close to tearing out her hair. "I don't think about you. And if I ever have, it would be the fantastic dream of finding you dead. A pleasant surprise that would be."

"Oh Evans," He held a hand to his heart. "You wound me deeply, whatever will I do?"

She breathed in and out a couple of times before responding. "Potter, if you would please excuse me, I have to go,"

Yet, James noted, she made no move to leave.

And that's when he realized, she enjoyed this. Just as much as he did. Maybe even a little more. And the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Evans, the girl who is sweet to everyone, except him of course, would ultimately need someone to be horrid to. She was constantly pulled together, and of course she was just as human as anyone else. She needed to fall apart sometimes too.

And that's really the moment when James realized, "You're just as human as the rest of us, aren't you?"

She gave him a funny look, and he realized that what he said may have seemed odd. "Of course I am, what kind of question is that? Are you suggesting that I don't act like a normal being?" She threw him a look. "Just because I'm not a Pureblood doesn't mean I'm not human, Potter."

James took a step back. That wasn't what he'd meant at all.

"Just because I'm a Muggleborn, or maybe you prefer the word _Mudblood _hmm? Well, even if I am I'm still human. Maybe I'm even more human than you, less magical and all that? That all I am is a freak, in the Wizarding world, and the muggle world?"

What James didn't know is that all Lily was doing was repeat similar phrases that her own sister had spoken to her. What James didn't know what that Lily may have just revealed one of her worst thoughts and beliefs to someone she associated with the word 'enemy'.

Maybe it was do to that James didn't realize that the words he spoke now would ultimately affect Lily more than anything else. And the truth is, James didn't think much before he spoke. So maybe he could defend himself for what he said next. "What the hell is wrong with you Evans? Did you get dropped on the head or something? I mean _obviously _you're a freak, why'd you even have to ask?" His voice may have held sarcasm, but yet Lily still heard the words ring in her ears.

She stepped back, tripping over her feet slightly. She put a hand to her mouth, and James noted she looked like she was going to be sick. He stepped forward to reach out one last time, but Lily just looked even more frightened, and she took off running.

James ran a hand through his hair.

Maybe he'd gone too far.

* * *

><p>Now switching to a different view, because this is where Sirius Black plays a role in this story. And for some reason, he plays a really important role. While it may seem odd that of all characters it is Sirius, and not someone more...shall we say, considerate, kind, understanding, reasonable? It's important it's Sirius, for if it was, say Remus, Lily may not have understood.<p>

See, as Lily ran, she didn't have any destination in mind, only to get away from the boy who made her world seem worse than she thought it ever could be.

That may explain why she ended up on the middle of the Quidditch field. Well that explains it better than any other explanation one could give.

Yet, when she reached the field, she was left with more than disappointment. She drew weary and and confused. Her head was spinning. It seemed wherever she went, she just met trouble, and she was growing sick of it.

The Fates were not as kind to Lily Evans as they head been to James Potter.

She realized this when Sirius Black was lying on the ground, quite close to her foot. Beside him there was a half empty bottle of Firewhiskey, and in his hand he held a lit ciggarette.

He lifted his head slightly, and rolled his eyes once he saw her, "Evans, what _are _you doing?" He seemed more exasperated than he did drunk.

Lily didn't feel like responded to any of Black's queries, and instead, settled to sitting down next to him. Better to have company than to be lonely, she guessed. Yet, sitting with Black didn't bring any comfort. Not that she'd really expected that, but she had expected something.

"So what's on your mind?" Lily spoke after ten minutes of neither moving or speaking.

"Oh, you just couldn't make the silence last could you?" Black asked, sounding slightly upset.

She didn't speak after that. Just lied there. Knowing that Black knew of the tears that had accidentally found their way trickling down her cheek.

"He's not that much of a tosser, no matter what he says," Black said, shifting position to get a better look at Lily. She still didn't respond. "He just thinks...oh God, now I sound like Moony, don't I?" He paused for a second. "What I'm trying to say is that you think you're better than him, and so does he, but you're both wrong." She turned her head to look at him. "I'm not saying you're a bad person Evans, I'm just saying the neither is Prongs. And don't tell me that you've never thought that, because I know you have. That, and other things too," He didn't even smirk as he said the next fact, "Things about James that I'm sure you don't want to think about."

She didn't even bother to respond, just turned her head, so he could no longer see her. She heard him take a drag off his stick, and then he continued his speech. "It's funny. Well, at least it's funny for me. To watch you both. You know, see how you react when he catches you off guard. It's also pretty funny that he doesn't realize it. Because Evans, you make it pretty damn obvious." He laughed humorlessly. "You probably think it's weird that I haven't told him, eh? You probably are wondering why? Well, I'll tell you." He took another drag. "Because you are Lily Evans, and I think that if anyone is ever going to tell James, it better be you. He deserves that at least."

She shook her head to disagree. To explain that James Potter didn't deserve a damn thing. "He does though. I thought even you'd get that. See, he's spent since fourth year trying to impress you. Trying to show you that he's worth it. That he's worth you. And you know what's happened? He's practically become a girl. Constantly worried about what people think. Of course he wouldn't tell anyone that, would he? Wouldn't tell anyone that Lily Evans managed to screw him over without even trying." It seemed as if he'd gotten angry, and yet he managed to control his voice every time. "You messed him up, did you know that? He says the dumbest things, does the dumbest things, because he knows that's the only way you're ever going to notice him," Lily raised her head to respond, but he just kept speaking. "Don't deny it. You say that if he was a better person you'd give him the attention he wants, but that's not true. You'd just forget he exists. And he knows it."

The tears that had long since dried up seemed to find their way back to her eyes. "Now the question is, why don't you say anything? Why do you really have a problem with James Potter? He never really did anything to you. Nothing worth hating him over. Sometimes Evans, sometimes I think you just like the attention, but then I see the way you're eyes light up when he starts conversation with you just as much as his do when you do the same with him."

"You're the match made in heaven, you know that?"

Neither said anything for a very long time. "I'm still not going to tell him." She finally spoke.

"I didn't expect anything different."

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><p>Hope you all enjoyed that!<br>Review if you would!

~YoungAndLiving


	2. And She Wanted Him For Good

__And She Wanted Him For Good__

James Potter didn't love Lily Evans because the sky was blue. That's not to say that he_ didn't_ love her when the sky was blue.

Whereas, on the other side of the spectrum, Lily Evans _did_ hate James Potter because the sky was blue. That's not to say that she didn't love him when the sky was blue.

Lily Evans hated James Potter because the sky was blue, because his shoes were always tied, because the grass was green. Lily Evans hated James Potter because of all these things, due to the small fact that if she tried any harder she would realize there wasn't all that much to hate in the first place.

Though, one should not give James Potter a free pass. For he proved to be as insane as Lily Evans was, just in different ways. For one, James Potter may not of loved Lily Evans because the sky was blue, but he had been in love with her since the first time she'd screamed in his face which is, you should admit, a little odd.

Yet, it must be said that they both were teenagers, and teenagers... Well they're insane as a rule.

And the day that Lily Evans realized what she felt, what she _really_ felt, was an insane day. For not only Lily Evans or James Potter, but somehow, Remus Lupin had gotten himself mixed up in the mess.

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><p>Remus Lupin was a boy that prided himself in academics, which was a bit of a difference from his three best friends, James, Sirius and Peter. James prided himself in the art of pranking. Sirius as well, but also as a school renowned ladies man. Peter prided himself in a killer game of Wizard's Chess, and you'd be hard pressed to find him a worthy opponent.<p>

The fact that academics was Remus' life may explain why he had been on his way to the Library on a sunny Saturday afternoon, rather than going outside with his mates. And since Lily, one his good friends and the Head Girl, had the same priorities as him, it wouldn't have been such a coincidence to see her there, or on her way.

That fact in itself explained why he saw her in the hallway just around the corner from the library. What that didn't explain was why she was walking in circles talking to herself.

"It's not as if he's all that great. I mean, just last week he used a sticking charm to glue me to my seat. What a child!" She whispered to herself, her face flushed with her fingers running through her hair.

Remus approached her warily. "Lily?" He tapped her shoulder. "Is everything alright?"

She looked up at him and her face looked odd, as if she didn't recognize who he was, and he began to worry even more for her well being. "Are you sick?" He asked her.

She continued on as if she hadn't heard him at all. "There's no reason to even be thinking about all this! You wouldn't even be doing so if Black hadn't put these ideas in your head," She muttered darkly.

_Black? Ideas? What is she on about?_

The truth was, Remus had no idea what was going on. As far as he knew, Sirius and Lily didn't talk, save the times he was mocking her and she retaliated. And how on earth could he planted ideas in her head?

While Remus' head raced, Lily continued her garbled speech. "Whenever I see him, it's all mockery. Nothing about that boy is authentic! Black says I mess with his mind? Please! That's all he does to me!" She began to twist her red hair around her finger. "He acts like he wants to be friends with me one moment and then completely humiliates me in the next. I don't know how much of this I can take!"

Remus was beginning to listen again to what she was saying and realized she was talking about some boy. He was intrigued, because as far as Remus knew, Lily didn't spend any time worrying about boys. He would come to realize at a later time that he was completely false on that account. In reality, she spent her precious nights thinking about him, and had even recently started daydreaming about said boy. Something that was turning out to be worse and worse for her Transfiguration test scores.

In that moment, Remus realized other things he'd missed as well. Sirius had been sending looks in her direction recently. Most where she just shook her head and looked the other way, others where she cocked her head and raised her brow in return.

He took a look at Lily. _No_, he told himself._ Sirius would never do that to James_. "Lily?" He paused for a moment. "You and Sirius... You haven't been..." He broke off.

When she didn't respond, or even look at him for that matter, Remus began to shake her. And he didn't stop. "Lily! Listen to me!"

She blinked and was brought the present in a second. She looked up at him with a frightened expression. "What?"

"Are you... Have you and Sirius been doing...anything..." He trailed off once more.

She gave him an odd look. Then comprehension dawned. And then disgust bubbled underneath. "Are you insane? You think I've been shagging Sirius?" She shook her head. "Please, Remus. I do have _some_ standards." Her brows pulled together. "Though, I'm now beginning to doubt that, even," She muttered.

"Lily, _what are you talking about_?" She glanced at him. Then she rolled her eyes.

"It's not big deal Remus, just forget about it. You want to work on some DADA with me? I haven't finished the essay yet." She began to walk toward the library until Remus grabbed her arm.

"Lily, stop and tell me what's going on!"

"I told you. Nothing is going on," She told him, exasperated.

"_Lily, don't you dare lie to me_." His voice became dangerous, and Lily looked at him once more.

Remus still believes that is the moment he ever truly saw what James saw in Lily every time he looked at her. Her eyes were so green and passion burned beneath them. Her hair acted as a flame around her face, even though it wasn't nearly as red as other peoples. It framed her face, and in mid motion, it almost rippled. Her mouth was parted just enough to make it seem as if she had a reply at the ready before a question even had risen. If Remus had owned a camera, this would have been the shot of a lifetime.

"It's just-" Her voice broke, and she looked away. "I'm just having a bad day. And I can't think straight. Everything Black said... It just won't leave my head, and I don't know what to do..."

Remus looked at her oddly. "You and Sirius have been talking lately?"

"Oh, it was only once. It's not a big deal. Except I guess it is. Because I can't sleep anymore because of it..."

She looked at Remus for a long moment until her face turned to complete shock. "Shit. Shit. Shit," She started looking through her bag. "Mary... You didn't do that," She started to talk to herself. "I told her. I told her not to take it."

"Take what?" Remus asked, perplexed.

"She... She took the note. I _told_ her, I wanted to keep it. Not because I don't trust her, which I don't, but I can't tell her that. And neither can you," She gave him a strong look.

"I don't talk to Mary, Lily."

"I know you don't. But still. What I told you is not a fact you should advertise."

"What was the note about?"

"Note?" Lily looked at him funny for a moment. Then she understood. "The note. Right. Umm, well. You know how the sky is blue?"

"...Please tell me you didn't just realize this," She shook her head.

"Of course not. Anyway. The sky is blue. And his shoes. They're_ constantly_ tied. Never undone."

"Whose shoes are ever undone? And who are you talking about?"

She groaned. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe a first years?" She looked at the ground and then back at Remus. "And also, the grass is green. Green. Not red. Not purple. Green."

"What does that have to do with the sky being blue? Or shoes, for that matter?" Remus realized that Lily may not have been as stable as she let on.

"That's why I hate him!" She practically screamed in his face.

"That's why you hate who?"

She looked away. "...Black. That's why I hate Black."

"You hate Sirius because the sky is blue?"

"Yes!" She sounded glad he understood. "I mean," She stumbled with her words. "No. That's not it."

"Didn't you just say that you hated him because of that?"

"No, I hate him because the sky is blue, and his shoelaces are never undone, and the grass is green."

"You hate him because of that combination?"

"Yes."

Remus gave Lily a long, hard look. "Has anyone ever told you you're insane? And also, why not hate him because he makes fun of you, or because he gets on your nerves?"

"Because... I don't know. It makes me feel..." She trailed off. Remus waited. "I don't know why I don't hate him because he makes of me, but I hate him because the sky is blue. All I know is that is why."

Remus shook his head. "Should I bring you to the hospital wing? I'm sure there's a potion for insanity somewhere..."

Lily continued on though. "All I know is that recently, I'm finding I can't even hate him because the sky is blue. Or because his laces are tied. Or because the grass is green. I can't find reason to hate him. All I know is Potter has gotten too far into my head for it ever to be possible for him to get out. All I know is that I might be okay with that."

Remus Lupin realized something right then. Lily Evans didn't hate Sirius Black because the sky is blue, and his shoelaces are never undone, and the grass is green. Lily Evans was having trouble hating James Potter even though the sky is blue, and his shoelaces are never undone, and the grass is green, is what really was going on.

Lily looked at Remus for a moment.

She looked at her hands.

Her mind raced.

"And Remus?" He nodded, showing he was paying attention.

"I think I have to tell him that."

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><p><em>I hope you all enjoyed that! <em>

_There will be one or two more chapters after this._

_Please review and tell me what you think._

_~YoungAndLiving_


	3. Do Whatever it Took

__Do Whatever it Took__

The world isn't black and white. But sometimes, it seems like it is. Or more accurately, it seems like everything is just globs of grey.

There are those days when color doesn't seem vibrant anymore, and nothing stands out anymore. Those days are often the worse; often the hardest to get through.

People need color, not just because it makes things pretty, because things can be pretty when it's black and white. Have you never seen pictures?

People need color because it helps distinguish the differences. It lets people know where the trim ends, and where the wall begins. It lets people know that no animal is really identical, because the colors are so different from one to the next.

* * *

><p>Peter Pettigrew didn't know Lily Evans.<p>

Sure, he knew of her, but really, James, Sirius and Remus all knew her far more than him. James knew her because he followed her like her dog. _Which is ironic, because isn't Sirius supposed to be the dog? _Sirius, on the other hand knew Lily Evans from years and years of pranking her. Remus was the only one of the four who could truly call Lily Evans a friend. Which was okay, because James wanted far more than _that, _Sirius had no intentions of ever having to deal with the girl, and Peter was happy with the four best friends he had.

Lots of people wondered why he had the friends he did. Sometimes he did as well, but really what else was going to happen? Four boys sharing a dormitory, you were bound to learn things about them, just from conversations that go on between the rest, and then, at some point, you become a regular part of said conversations, and somehow, you realize that everyone there are friends and nothing could ever stop that.

Peter knew that he wasn't really like the rest of him. He knew that people only knew about him, because everyone was always talking about the rest. Except for Remus maybe, because he blended in as well, but that had more to do with the fact that he wanted to, so that no one else would find out about his 'furry little problem', as James dubbed it. And the amount the Remus wanted to blend in was the same as Peter was okay with it.

Peter Pettigrew rarely bothered himself with other people's problems because in most cases, they would rather not speak with such a common person. What Peter had learned is that people are picky about who comes to save them. They always want a specific person to come, and no one else, because they're probably the ones who caused the issue in the first place. What Peter was meaning to say is that too much romantic drama went around at Hogwarts, and too many girls were left crying in hallways about it.

So, of course when he say Lily Evans in a corridor crying he's first reaction was to leave and run in the other direction. But reality is Peter Pettigrew was in Gryffindor for a reason, he may have been just an ordinary boy, but as people will come to see, ordinary people can do extraordinary things.

"Evans," He spoke quietly, walking near her. "Is everything alright?"

She didn't bother to look up from her knees, but rather continued to look down, and laughed without humor. "Not quite. You see, just as I was about to do something I never thought I would- well, let's just say things went accordingly."

"Would you like me to get anyone for you?" Peter wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. As told before, Peter Pettigrew didn't know Lily Evans. He didn't know who she liked to be with when she upset. He just didn't know.

"No, it's fine. I'll be fine," The crying had begun to subside, and she began to hiccup slightly, still looking toward the floor.

"Well," He paused for a moment. "I'll just wait with you, until you've either stopped crying, or until you'd like me to go."She nodded, showing that she understood.

Something important that Peter was about to learn about Lily Evans is that she, like a lot of people, when given silence, can do nothing but fill it.

"This is a little odd," She began to speak to herself. "Within the span of two months I've spent time with Black, Remus, and you, when in reality, I was sure that Potter was the only one who really had any want of seeing me."

"Of course, that was a false assumption, because it appears that not even James Potter wants to see me. He'd rather see Susan Bones in a broom cupboard," She snorted to herself. "Susan Bones? Since when has he shown any interest in her."

At this very moment Peter cared very little about Susan Bones, but focused more on what Lily Evans was implying.

Had she gone to see James?

"Of course, I don't really know that Susan Bones is the girl. All I know is that asking around at this school is no help, because there are too many rumours going on for the facts to stay facts," She sighed, and finally looked up. "Peter, does James hate me?"

Peter gave Lily a baffled expression, realizing at this point that they may be on a first name basis. "Hate you? Are you daft?"

She glared at him for a moment. "No actually, I just recently found out I'm top of our class. Who knew?" Sarcasm dripped from her words.

"Then how on earth did you get it into your head that James hates you?"

Lily once again looked toward the floor, as if the answer to the question was written on it. Until Peter realized, that it might actually be.

He picked up the photo that rested by her foot. On it was a moving picture of James snogging the daylights out of Prudence Rabnott. "Oh," He looked on the back to see if any writing was on it.

"It's from today. Apparently Marlene saw it happening in the common room, and was slightly shocked because as far as she knew, Potter was still head over heals for me. But apparently a lot can happen within a couple of months."

"Lily, James snogs tons of girls."

"I know, it's just. Well, apparently now she's his girlfriend," Lily closed her eyes tight. "His girlfriend."

Peter didn't say anything for a while. They both just sat there, not knowing what to say or do.

"I don't want to mess with his mind," She continued after a bit. "I don't want to tell him that I might be finally reciprocating the same feelings he's had for me if I'm not sure. Because that wouldn't be fair to him. I don't want to keep like a dog on a leash. I just... I just don't know what to do."

"Everything is just starting to blur together. It's like I can't tell the difference between anything. Everything is still there, but it's like all the colors have melted off, so it's all just grey. And then, all of a sudden, I see Potter and we begin to argue, and it's almost as if he paints the colors back on the pictures. Like he's color in a world that's black and white."

Peter looked at her and smiled a lopsided grin, similar to the other three boys'. Then he began to laugh. Whether he was laughing at her, or what the situation was, he wasn't even sure.

"Lily, are you insane? You aren't sure if you like James? You just told me he makes your world vibrant and detailed and makes it real. How on earth do you have any doubts?"

She threw the photo at him. "Because of that! Because of that damn picture. It has my head racing and thinking about how Potter spent six years of his life chasing after me, and then he just stopped. What if I just stop, too?"

"He didn't stop, Lily. He'd leave Prudence in a second if he found out that you liked him. He's just given up on you ever standing his presence at this point so he's trying to forget about you," Peter paused. "He does this a lot actually. Tries to forget about you, I mean."

Once again, a silence fell between the two of them. Neither Peter nor Lily knew what was to be done. Peter wasn't really sure what James wanted at the moment, and so he wasn't sure what he could tell Lily. Lily was torn between thinking rationally through the whole thing, or just going into the common room and biting James' head off.

Peter sensing his presence wasn't really necessary at this point took his cue to leave. "Well Lily, I'll just leave you to your thoughts. If you want to talk some other time, that's fine, but I really have to work on my...Oh bugger, I'm just going to leave, alright?" He realized that trying to say he had a essay due in any class wouldn't pass, as she was in all his classes, and she had no essays to do.

Smiling slightly she said goodbye, and Peter left more than slightly surprised. Peter could maybe say that at this point, he knew Lily Evans.

* * *

><p>Lily knew that she overreacted. She knew from a young age that anything could send her over the edge, especially one James Potter. She never thought the same James Potter may be the reason that butterflies were now swarming her stomach.<p>

As she pushed open the door to the common room, Lily had a facial expression that neared Professor McGonagall's look when she saw a student misbehaving. Of course, this was not an uncommon occurrence, as James and Lily's fights were schoolwide known.

She stalked toward James, his back towards her. Sirius saw her though, and pointed her out to James. He turned around for a moment, saw her and cocked his head.

"Anything I can help with, Evans?" He asked in a mocking tone.

"Is it possible to speak with you privately?"

This peaked his interest, she could tell. For the most part, she had no trouble screaming at him in front of hundreds of students. "Anything for you, milady." She rolled her eyes at his dramatics.

They walked out of the room, and through the portrait making the Fat Lady feel upset because, _Weren't you just here? _Both James and Lily ignored her though. They stopped after a short walk and James didn't say anything, just waited on Lily.

"What I wanted to say-"

"Lily, if you're going to berate me about not finishing reports, I'm really sorry, I'll get to them as soon as I can. I was just hanging out with Prudence, that's all."

"I'm not here to talk to you about- Wait, you didn't finish the reports?" She greHw frustrated. "I specifically asked you-" She stopped herself. "I'm getting off topic. I'm here to talk about reports, or head duties at all, actually."

She took a deep breath and James looked at her oddly. "Then what are we talking about? I mean, I love spending time with you, and all it's just..." He trailed off, and she knew what he was thinking. They weren't friends, they didn't talk about anything except head business.

"I wanted to talk to you about..." She trailed off for a moment.

James raised an eyebrow, and after a while of her not saying he anything, he spoke. "As great as standing here with you has been, I have things to do so-"

"Potter, just wait." She took a deep breath. "It's just, you know, color? And all that? I want it all to come back before I say it? I want everything to be as real as it can."

He gave her a look as if she'd gone insane. "Color? You want all the color to come back?" She nodded. "And pray tell where it went?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe it leaves when you do..." She began to speak under her breath, and she knew he could no longer hear what she was saying until, "I don't want to go on like this!"

He looked taken aback. "Like what, exactly?"

"Like this," She motioned between the two of them. "I don't want this anymore. I want something real and legitimate. I don't want to go on like this."

"So," He gave her a long look. "You want to be...friends?"

She gave him an odd look before smiling. "Right. Friends."

James nodded, and soon after left, leaving Lily by herself.

She looked toward one of the paintings. It was shaking its head at her.

"What the hell is wrong with me?"

The portrait responded. "I have no idea. You had a perfectly good, young, chap and you just let him go!"

* * *

><p><em>So. Lily may be a little scared. You know, just a little.<em>

_Anyway, please let me know what you all think!_

YoungAndLiving


	4. Whatever She Could

_**AN: Here's something I should probably explain concerning the last chapter. Peter Pettigrew was a Marauder. He was one of James' best friends. It doesn't matter what he did in the future, because that hasn't come yet in this story. He is still a character in the Harry Potter series. You can't just take him out. I picture Peter as a boy that is very similar to Neville. One that is not as popular as the rest, that isn't nearly as clever, but is just as important as the rest. This is why Peter is an important part of this story.**_

_******  
><strong>Whatever She Could_

James Potter thought he knew a lot about Lily Evans when in reality he didn't. In reality, his mates all knew a piece about the girl, and had they all came forth with their information, the following incident may not have happened. James Potter may not have been on the couch in the Common Room, snogging Prudence Rabnott in a way most witches wished would happen. In fact, if James Potter knew all that his friends did, there was no way in Hell he would have been snogging _that _girl.

If his friends had came forth with the information they possessed, maybe Lily Evans would not had cried as hard as she had that night. She maybe wouldn't have realized the amount she cared for James Potter.

Maybe then, she wouldn't have walked the castle nearing midnight, and she may not have been attacked by three Slytherins hiding behind a tapestry. In fact, if James Potter knew all that his friends did, there was no way in Hell he would have let _that _happen.

Of course, if his friends had come forth with the information they had, maybe Lily Evans wouldn't have realized how much she cared for James Potter. And maybe she would have gone back to hating all of the Marauders for revealing a secret she wished she'd never told anyone. Maybe she really would have gone out into the halls of the castle nearing midnight anyway, and she would have still been attacked by the three Slytherins.

Maybe she'd have still ended up near death in the Hospital Wing anyway.

* * *

><p>Lily Evans knew a lot of things. She knew why the sun rose each day. She knew why the grass looked green. She knew why she was born. She knew her birthday.<p>

But she hadn't the faintest recollection of why she was in the Hospital Wing, and could only hope that the memories came back to her, because it seemed that there was no one around to ask.

Lily never really understood why so many people had a problem with the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. The sheets were the softest in the castle, the most amazing view was in that room, as patients really had nothing else to do but look at it, and they had constant care from Madam Pomfrey, the best healer Hogwarts ever had.

So with nothing left to do, except stare out a window and think through some things, she thought of the events that happened within the past year.

Days turned to weeks, which turned to months that had passed since she'd tried to explain to James Potter what she really wanted. Months of watching the boy kiss Prudence Rabnott the way she could only wish he would kiss her. And she knew, she knew she was being ridiculous, like every other girl who wanted the boy the second they stopped chasing. Yet, what could she do? She was Lily Evans knew what she wanted, and she couldn't stop wanting it. She had tried. She's driven herself nearly mad by digging into the classes she'd enrolled herself in, but it really had no better outcome, as she was still in love with James Potter, and was already top of the class. Though, Transfiguration had been getting easier.

She could no longer count the number of times she'd dreamed of James Potter. She couldn't count the number of times that she'd thought of murdering Prudence. She couldn't count a damn thing where James Potter was concerned, he distracted her too much.

She didn't act like a lovesick fool, where other people noticed, but Lily could tell certain things about herself that she would otherwise have not done. She began to time when to pack up her bags so that she and James could 'coincidentally' leave at the same time. She told James that it was okay if they patrolled together, that it would probably work better for both of their schedules. She sometimes ate breakfast with him, to 'discuss head business'. Of course, to James and all others, this probably seemed as if she was just becoming friends with him, as she had told him she wanted to be, so there was nothing odd about it.

Right.

She was remembering some events from the night before. She remembered her emotions mostly, though. She remembered lots of anger, and probably jealousy. Because she had no doubt that James Potter may have a lot to do with the fact that she was where she was.

And, of course, because this was Lily Evans' life and not some fairy tale, she waited. And waited. She waited for someone somewhere to tell her why she was there. She waited, all day, all night. She waited. At some point, she fell asleep, and slept through the night with very little disturbance.

She didn't expect anyone to come, and of course, no did. But the next morning, she happened to be quite surprised.

"Shut up, you guys," She heard a voice whisper. "She's probably still sleeping."

"Moony," She heard another voice. "There is no way in hell she's still sleeping. It's three o'clock in the afternoon. _I _don't even sleep that late." That sounded like Sirius.

No way.

She opened her eyes and gave the...three boys in front of her all a very odd look. "What the hell are you three doing here?"

"Told you she was awake, Remus."

"Let me repeat my question. What the hell are you three doing here?"

They looked at eachother then looked back at her. Remus spoke up. "We're here to check up on you, of course. We figured you were lonely, and also we were a little worried about you."

"Why would you be worried?"

The three of them gave her a weird look.

"The, you know, attack?" Peter spoke up. "Don't you remember?"

"There was an attack in the castle?" Lily began to fret.

"Yes. There was an attack. They caught the attackers, though."

"Oh, good. Wait, who was attacked?" She sat up quickly, and became slightly nauseous but looked around still, for another student. "They...they're okay, right?"

Sirius gave her a look. "Yeah, they're just fine. Maybe a little bonkers, but that's not from the attack, now is it?"

She took into account the empty hospital beds except for her own, and the fact that these three boys were wondering if she was okay. "Someone attacked...me?"

"Give the girl a prize," Sirius rolled his eyes.

Remus shot him a look though. "Yeah, three Slytherins were hiding and when they saw you... Well they took it as an invitation to attack," He gave her a pointed look. "What were you doing out so late, anyway?"

"I'm not actually sure." She looked down. "I don't remember anything that happened last night."

Suddenly the doors of the Hospital Wing opened quickly and...Severus Snape stormed through the doors. "Lily?" He saw her. "Lily are you okay? I swear, I didn't know about it. I wouldn't have let it happen. I promise. You've got to believe me," He said this all very rushed, with little pauses or time for breaths.

Lily though, refused to look at the boy. They hadn't had contact with eachother in over a year, she had made sure of that. She hadn't wanted to see him, and she definitely didn't now.

She looked up at the three boys in front of her. "Can you, can you make him leave? Please?" They all gave her pitying looks, which just made her look away. In which she made eye contact with Severus, but just as quickly looked away.

When no one said anything. "Severus, leave." Lily spoke up.

He gave her a sad look. "Lily, I'm sorry. I didn't have anyth-"

"Stop. Stop right there. Just leave. Nothing good is going to come from this. Just get out of here."

He looked ready to say something again when Peter spoke up. "Snape, just go. She's not feeling well, and you aren't helping."

He looked murderous. "Really, Lily. You're letting the Marauders stand up for you? Since when have you been friends with any of them."

Sirius looked him in the eye. "Snape, get the fuck out of here."

Severus didn't flinch, and no one in the room moved. Madam Pomfery walked in at that exact moment. She looked at all the children. "Visitors are not permitted in the Hospital Wing. Miss Evans is here to recover, not to deal with more stress."

All of the boys looked down, and left the Wing without another remark. Madam Pomfrey tsked as she got a potion ready for Lily. "Drink this, dear. You'll be able to go in the morning. I think I should at least hold you for two more nights, but Professor McGonagall says you need to get back to classes. Nevermind that you can't study if you don't have good health," She starting shaking her head. Then she looked at Lily in the eye. "If you feel even slightly nauseated tomorrow, you come right back here, you hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good, now get some rest. You'll be leaving in the morning."

* * *

><p>James Potter may not have known that Lily Evans was in love with him. But he did know that Prudence Rabnott harbored feelings for him, and he figured that maybe if he tried he could love her the way he loved Lily Evans, and the way that Lily Evans loved him.<p>

He remembered the day that he realized he loved Lily Evans. It was of course, during Transfiguration. He had been looking at Lily all through Professor McGonagall's lecture and suddenly it came to him. He stood up, which caused the Professor to ask, _What on earth are you _doing, _Potter? _To which he said, _I'd just like to let everyone know that I, James Potter, in love with a girl, who goes by the name Lily Evans. And, that sometime in the future, we will be married, and obviously, all of you are invited. _He sat down, and saw a gobsmacked Lily Evans, and an irritated Professor McGonagall. After an excruciating silence Lily finally spoke. _Who says I want all of them at our wedding? There's no way we'll ever be affording that. _To which he reminded her of his parents wealth. _Not a chance, Potter. Your parents are not paying for our wedding. That would be our, job, now wouldn't it. _Professor McGonagall then cleared her throat. _This is Transfiguration. You can discuss your wedding plans another time. Though, I should say, if I'm not invited I will come after you both. I've dealt with you both long enough that I deserve that, am I right? _Both of them nodded, then said _Yes Professor. _Then class continued on as if nothing had happened in the first place.

That may have been James happiest memory, as it was what he used to cast a Patronus charm.

That's when he realized that Prudence Rabnott was never going to be Lily Evans. That only Lily Evans would ever fill that hole in his heart.

He walked into the common room, and saw Prudence. He told her that their relationship just wasn't going to work out. She looked at him, and she kissed him fiercely, then let go of him, nodded and they parted ways. He saw a flash of red during this, and heard a door slam.

James Potter may have known that Prudence Rabnott was not the girl for him, but he didn't know how hard he had made a Lily Evans cry that night.

* * *

><p><em>I do hope you all liked that. It was slightly hard to write. I'm really sorry if I botched James' point of view. I feel as if he's the worst to write for some reason. <em>

_Please review, it really is nice to read all of your thoughts._

_I'm not really sure how long this will be anymore. It's getting really fun to write. I'll try my best not to drag it out, but I'm also trying not to be too fast about it. _

_Also, please realize that most of these chapters have spaces of about a month or, in this case, two. Just to put it all into perspective. _

_Anyway, tell me what you think!_

_~YoungAndLiving_


	5. She Can't Stop Loving Him

_She Can't Stop Loving Him_

James Potter loved Lily Evans. Or thought he did, at least. Not because she was perfect, because she wasn't. Not even close. He believed he loved Lily Evans because she was his solace. His life revolved completely around her. Around Lily Evans. He didn't always like the girl, sometimes he'd rather not see her face, but he was still infatuated with her to no end.

He knew that loving Lily Evans may be the hardest thing he'd ever do in his life, because it's pretty fucking hard to love someone who won't let you.

He knew what she believed. He knew she thought he was after her just because of the chase, just because she had some sort of mystery. But really, James Potter believed he had Lily Evans figured out.

Lily Evans, he believed, didn't trust anyone, not fully anyway. She didn't believe in love, she believe it could last, anyway. She hid behind what she could, and at Hogwarts that'd be school work. She didn't have faith. In anything. She didn't believe in an afterlife, she didn't believe in people, she didn't believe in herself.

He'd told her all this once in an argument. Afterwards, she'd merely rolled her eyes at him. She told him, _I don't know where you come up with half the words you say,_ and turned her back on him and walked away. She avoided him for weeks after that, and that was when he knew he was one hundred percent correct, because she seeked him out as much as he did her. She loved fighting with him. And when she avoided him, that was when he knew he was right.

"Love is for people with nothing else to do," Lily Evans told Remus Lupin a week after leaving the hospital wing. "All it is is a distraction from whatever shit you happen to be going through. And once it's over, so is your so called 'love'." She leaned back in her chair in the library. She and Remus had been arguing this subject for over an hour, and she had yet to get any of her homework down.

"I'm not saying you love him, Lily," He told her, impatiently. "I'm saying that you ought to give him a chance, because he loves you."

She raised her eyebrows. "He doesn't even know what love is." Lily replied. "My father claimed to know what love was and yet still, he found it perfectly okay to walk out on my mother."

"Your father isn't even apart of this conversation!"

"Well, he is now," Lily told him, matter-a-factly.

Remus rolled his eyes at the juvenile girl before him. "So explain to me how you went from deciding to tell this boy that you might have feelings for him, to ridiculing every form of love?"

"Prudence Rabnott, actually."

"Is that so?" He questioned. "I'm pretty sure that James and Prudence broke up a little over a week ago."

"While that is true, it merely proves my point. He probably told Prudence he loved her, and yet, look at that. They are no longer together."

"Lily, he didn't tell Prudence he loved her," He paused, deciding whether or not to say this next part. "They broke up because he told her he was still in love with _you_."

"And your point?"

"My point," Remus stood up and began packing his bag. "Is that sometimes you're are insufferable. Like right now," She shot him a glare. "And yet he loves you anyway."

And with that, Remus Lupin left Lily Evans in the library, alone.

* * *

><p>"James, are you about ready?" Lily tapped her foot impatiently and looked at the clock located in the common room. "I understand this is the first time you've ever really done your homework, but if you don't hurry up we'll be late for patrols."<p>

James looked up from the coach he was sitting in. "Lily, I do my homework almost every night, and don't worry so much. People will still be snogging in broom cupboards no matter how long we wait."

Other people in the room paid no heed to the pair as Lily continued to berate James. "It doesn't mean you're allowed to be late!"

James checked his watch. "Well, would you look at that! We still happen to have _fifteen minutes _before we'll even have to leave. So I don't know what _your _rush is," He raised his eyebrows at her.

She huffed. "Well maybe I just like being early."

"Then go be early somewhere else, because _I'm busy_."

"Fine."

"Fine."

She stood there unmoving for a moment.

"For God's sake, Lily!" He glared. "Just let me pack my bag."

She smiled to herself. "Of course, James."

"You know you're mad, right?" He reached out to grab her to pull himself up.

"And that," She said, pushing him right back down. "Is why you love me."

She walked away from him and left the common room fully expecting him to follow. And of course, when you James Potter, how can you not.

"Well shit if that isn't true," He mumbled, and then soon followed after the girl.

* * *

><p>"So, I was wondering," James paused for a moment. "What made you want us to be friends? I mean, not complaining or anything, but it was a little oddly timed..." He stumbled on. "I mean... It's just you'd never really expressed <em>interest<em> before, so I was wondering if I'd missed anything?"

He heard her chuckle. "No James, you definitely didn't miss anything," He heard her mumble something under her breath after that.

"What was that?"

She lifted her head up from where it was looking at the ground. Her eyes opened a little larger. "Oh," She ran a hand through her hair. "Er- nothing."

He smirked. "Are you sure about that? Because I'm pretty positive something came out of your mouth that you didn't want me to hear."

"Exactly," She said a little harshly. "I didn't want you to hear it."

The rounds that they'd been walking had officially dwindled to nothing and both were in looking at eachother as if to prepare for the next question fired. One more offensive than the other, though.

"So are you saying that you won't tell me?" James asked her, finally.

"Correct," She told him, not backing down.

"And why not, Miss Evans?"

"Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it's none of your business."

"And? Please, you probably get your nose stuck in other people's business all the time," James told her, picking another fight that would most likely end the same way as any of their other fights. Badly.

"I do not!" She shrieked, indignantly.

"Oh yes you do! You can't mind your own business so why should anyone else mind yours?" She merely glared at him.

She took a step back away from him and placed her hands on her hips. "Why do you always do this? Why do you always ruin perfectly good moments and just constantly try to pick fights with me?"

"Why can't you ever just answer a damn question?"

_In that moment, James Potter remembered all the fights his parents ever had. He always remembered the moments when the fights either stopped or got ten times worse in a moment, the most. He remembered the look on his mother's face when his father would pause. _

_ The way they made eye contact, as if they both knew what was about to happen next. He'd remember the pained look his mother always had. The way that she'd almost fall over, when the exhaustion would hit her most. There would always be a give away, a sign, so that his father knew that if he kept going it wouldn't end. That it would be an unresolved fight they'd always have. Sometimes though, he'd keep going anyway._

"Why do you always have to know?" And then, right then, she gave him the look his mother always gave his father. The look that let him know that it was his job to end this.

But that just didn't makes sense to James, because his parents had a _far different _technique to end fights than he expected he should use.

And yet, he found himself walking closer to the girl. Her arms crossed her chest, as if to place a barrier between her and James.

He reached for the girls hand, just like he had so many times before, and this time she gave it to him willingly. He pulled it, and she stumbled not-so-gracefully toward him.

"What are you doing?" She questioned him, but he only looked at her. "James Potter, what are you doing?"

"I'm... I'm not really sure," He continued to stare at her. "Just what I was taught, I suppose." He leaned towards her, but she stayed where she was.

"James, I-" She looked away, but he squeezed her hand causing her to look back him.

"Lily."

"James." He smiled. "What?"

"You should do that more often." He spoke softly.

"Do what?"

"Lily Evans," He said.

"James Potter," She replied.

"_That_."

And with that, James Potter lowered his head, and Lily Evans had no time to do anything but receive the kiss James Potter had waited so long to give her.

Not without pushing him, and running as fast as she could afterwards, but you know, she had let him kiss her. Which was a nice thought, James believed.

* * *

><p>AN: So that might have been really mean. I'd feel bad. But I don't. Sorry. I mean, I couldn't have it end <em>there <em>could I? With them kissing and all that sappy nonsense? Nope. Not going to cut it.

I know this was a little shorter than all the other chapters but I tried. A little.  
>I actually did try, a lot. Writing takes a lot of work, you know. And I'm not even that good at it!<p>

Anyway, I hope you all liked that. I feel as if I may have rushed it a little bit, so let me know. I'm actually quite worried about this chapter, so _**please **_review and let me know.

I'm begging. Reviews are like the nicest thing a reader can do. And doesn't everyone want to be nice, or something ridiculous like that?

Yes, well.

Read it.

Like it.

Review it.

Make me feel loved.

~YoungAndLiving

(Figured I'd be needing one if these at some point) Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Harry Potter. All belongs to JK Rowling. Which makes sense, because she's the one with all the money.


	6. She Never Meant to Start

_She Never Meant to Start_

Lily Evans didn't believe in damsels in distress. She didn't believe in letting someone else take care of her. She didn't believe in goodness. She didn't believe in very much at all. She didn't believe in herself. And she most definitely believe that anyone else did either.

Lily Evans wasn't perfect. Lily Evans was a moody girl. She was constantly looking down on other people, and knew it. She didn't believe she was perfect. And yet, she always thought that if she'd been in this situation she'd know exactly what to do.

What to say.

She most definitely didn't think she'd run.

She thought that she'd smack the boy. Or call him every name in the book. She thought she'd have some snappy comeback ready to fire. She had been so sure of that.

She really didn't expect that she'd spend the night with Sirius. And yet, company is company, and in reality, he was the best option she really had.

Because there was no way Mary, Marlene, or Alice were hearing about this. _No way_.

Which may explain why instead of sitting in the common room like a normal teenager, she was in the kitchens with a boy who she was quite sure she would have murdered a year before.

* * *

><p>James Potter didn't believe in a religion. He didn't have any sort of connection to nature. He had nothing to put faith in, and for the most part he was okay with that. But sometimes he wondered what it would be like to put so much faith into something that you could convince yourself that it was the only thing allowing you to breathe.<p>

And sometimes, after he thought about that. Sometimes he would think that maybe Lily Evans had turned into his own personal religion.

Because he was sure that she was the only reason he could feel anything at all, sometimes.

And then other times he wished he had a real religion, or something that he believed could make everything better. Because sometimes James Potter knew he'd screwed things up beyond repair, and he was pretty sure the only way for things to get better was some sort of god looking on him with kindness.

He wasn't really sure which moment this was. Because in one case, he'd just kissed Lily Evans. And in the other... Well, he'd just kissed Lily Evans.

And sometimes, he was sure he just didn't make any sense.

* * *

><p>Sirius Black knew his mate was seriously messed in the head. But up until this point he hadn't taken the time to notice how badly. He also wasn't sure whether or not to congratulate the boy or buy him a coffin. Because in one case, he'd just kissed Lily Evans. And in the other... Well, he'd just kissed Lily Evans.<p>

He also thought that if he'd ever heard the story it would've been James' point of view and not Lily Evans'.

Sirius Black didn't believe in fate, or anything ridiculous like that, but he was pretty sure that if anything like that did happen to exist, James and Lily were bound to be. Not just because he was James' best mate and obligated to say it, but rather due to the fact that she was the only girl that had ever rejected James Potter. And as backwards as that sounded, Sirius knew many girls fawned over his friend, and he was okay with that. But he wouldn't deny that watching James and Lily interact was quite the entertainment. And he knew that the only way James would ever manage a relationship that lasted, it would be with a girl that realized that James Potter was not a saint, and not nearly as great as everyone thought.

He had most definitely grown tired of the way James complained about Lily, but the way that Lily looked at James had never grown old, because the few girls James had dated hadn't any self respect because they all had believed him to be some kind of god. Lily Evans was one of the few girls that never believed anything like that, and Sirius liked it. He was quite certain that James did, too.

* * *

><p>Lily Evans knew that if she wanted to fix anything, if she wanted any good to come from what happened, she would have to grow the courage to talk to James. Yet she continued to sit with Sirius. They had finished their conversation ages ago, and still sat in silence with each other, neither willing to be the first one to leave.<p>

Lily reflected on all the times over the years that she claimed she wasn't affected by James Potter. How she claimed he would never affect her. And he hadn't, until now. Here she was, hiding in the kitchens just so she wouldn't have to see him.

She told this to Sirius. "Well, that's just not true at all."

"That I'm not hiding?" She gave him a bewildered look. "I promise you, that's exactly what I'm doing."

"No, I'm talking about the fact that you claimed you were never affected by him before."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you were affected by James Potter as much as any other person. You just reacted in a completely different manner," He told her, matter-a-factly. "You would always just scream in his face, where other girls would swoon. You were affected, because if you weren't you wouldn't have reacted at all. That's why James was always sure you liked him."

She glared at him. "And who gave him that idea?"

Sirius didn't even bother to look ashamed. "Well you did, didn't you?"

She thought about that for a moment. Did she like James Potter all those years that she claimed she didn't? She believed for so long that she always knew what she'd felt. But now she wasn't so sure.

* * *

><p>James Potter didn't believe in fairy tales. That wasn't to say that when he was little that he didn't like it when his mum would come and read him stories, but he just didn't believe that they could ever happen. Fairy tales gave people dreams that could never actually happen. Fairy tales gave people false hope.<p>

And yet, James Potter had spent his whole Hogwarts career dreaming that one day that he might have one of those fairy tale endings. One of those earthshaking stories to tell his grandkids one day, like his parents did. He'd always wanted one of those.

It was odd, because he didn't believe in fairy tales and yet that was exactly what he thought his parents had.

Maybe he just never thought that it could happen to him. But now he wasn't so sure.

* * *

><p>Sirius Black had never seen Lily Evans drunk. He'd never planned to, either. But sometimes things just happen. Sometimes Lily Evans just gets drunk.<p>

"Lily, you really ought to stop. You don't want to do anything stupid," He told her, trying to grab the bottle she had found in the cupboards in the kitchen.

"It won't kill me, Sirius," She told him, still sounding mostly sober at this point.

"You might," He told her knowingly. "Tomorrow."

"What does that mean?"

"Or maybe you'll just kill me since I let you do this..." He pondered for a moment. "Yeah, that sounds much more reasonable."

She leaned her head against Sirius, and he took this as a sign of being drunk, as she'd never gotten this close to him before. "Remus said that James loves me."

"Mhmm," He nodded, not sure if this was going to be worth listening too.

"'Mhmm' _I agree_, or 'Mhmm' _I'm saying this hoping you'll shut up_," She spoke sharply.

"You know for someone so uptight during the day, I expected you to much more relaxed when you were drunk. You know, maybe you'd actually have fun with it."

"I'm not _that _drunk, Sirius. That's a little while down the road," She took another swig from the bottle clutched in her hands.

"'Mhmm' _I agree_," He told her after a moment.

She was silent after that, and so was he. He was always so sure Lily Evans had something to say every moment. He was always certain that'd she'd be the one who knew what to do. But now he wasn't so sure.

* * *

><p>Lily Evans spent her moments of drunkenness doing exactly what she would have done sober. Think about James Potter. The disease ever present in her life, almost like a cancer.<p>

And yet, she believed that maybe she was beginning to like it. Not cancer, but rather, James Potter. And the disease that he inflicted on her body, or should she say mind?

And that's when she decided to do it.

* * *

><p>James Potter didn't pray much. He'd prayed once when he was really little. Like when he was about four years old and his dad told him his mum was ill. He'd also prayed the night before he went to Hogwarts, that he'd be able to make some friends, and be in Gryffindor like his dad. He didn't really pray to anyone in specific, just talked out loud in hopes that if some higher power existed, they'd take pity on him and listen. Turns out, they had.<p>

So James got down on his knees in the Astronomy Tower for the third time in his life to pray to whatever god, force of nature, or anything, that was out there. That maybe, for one last time, they'd fix everything. Whatever there was left to fix.

* * *

><p>Sirius Black figured he probably should have stopped her. People do really crazy things when they're drunk. But he didn't have the heart to stop her. He wasn't sure if he was doing this for James or her, but he hoped that the next morning there wasn't going to be too many repercussions. Or at least they'd be good ones.<p>

He knew if they weren't he'd probably be dead. And as crappy as all the work he had to put in his work, he'd rather do it then die. Maybe if he lived through this he'd be a changed man. Reality was though, probably not.

* * *

><p>AN: So yes, this took a little longer to get out then the others, but this one is actually edited, so go me! I really hope you all like this one. Not much really happened in it, but the next chapter should hopefully make up for that.<p>

I hope so, anyway.

Thanks everyone!

~YoungAndLiving


	7. They Remembered All the Times

_They Remembered all the Times _

"The thing about love stories, the ones that are written, read, and re-read, is that they can't be boring. They just can't. They have to contain rage, and excitement."

* * *

><p><em>Lily Evans didn't expect at age eleven to go to a world full of magic. A world that meant that when someone asked "How did you do that?" and someone responds "Magic," they aren't being sarcastic. A world that meant she had to meet total new people and completely new place. And people that she met at the places she went could be just as judgemental as the ones from the world she'd grown up in. But her expectations had been so different.<em>

_She'd met James Potter on the train to Hogwarts. Him and his friend Sirius Black seemed to take a great liking to making fun of people. She decided in that moment that neither of those boys would ever be on her list of people to converse with. And yet, they had so many times._

"_Just because you think you're better than everyone else doesn't mean you are, Potter!" She yelled at him, a audience already beginning to form._

_He laughed at her, with a witty comeback on the tip of his tongue. "Thinking and knowing are two very different things, Evans."_

"_Potter, you are insufferable." She told him, sticking her nose up just a little higher._

"_Kind of like you?" He asked in a mocking matter, to which Sirius laughed as did a few others present._

_Her eyes began to water as he continued to mock her and others continued to laugh. She realized then, at only age eleven, James Potter would always be her only competitor, and would always beat her._

* * *

><p>"They always need some sort of flame that makes the reader want to know more. Something that shows that the character knows there may be something more."<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Sev, he just never leaves me alone and I... I just don't know what I'm supposed to do!" She was frantic. Lily had spent so much time avoiding James Potter, and she didn't know if she could continue much longer.<em>

_ The boy to whom she was ranting to merely rolled his eyes. "It's not that hard to ignore people, Lily," He told her, disdainfully. _

_ "It's just," She paused, thinking carefully before she spoke, to not upset her best friend. "Sometimes I just think that maybe if we tried harder, we might actually be able to get along?" She phrased it as a statement, but her voice held question._

_ "Is it so hard to believe that the two of you just clash so much that nothing would ever work?" Severus asked, exasperated._

_ "Yes," She whispered to herself, hoping that no one could hear._

* * *

><p>"And of course there's always something that brings that two together."<p>

* * *

><p><em>"Potter, I don't want to be here, and you <em>never _want to do homework so I assume you don't want to be here either so let's just get this done with so we don't have to ever think about again, okay?" She sighed, sitting at one of many tables of Hogwart's library. _

_"You think I don't want to be here?" He was astonished. "I have my own excuse to talk to Lily Evans whenever I want. I think this is a great arrangement. McGonagall should have thought of this sooner, in my opinion."_

_ Throughout the evening the two worked on their Transfiguration essay, not without James' crude and yet funny side comments. He made Lily laugh nine times that night, which he told her at the end, _And yes, _he told her, _I did count if you're wondering.

* * *

><p>"Don't forget there's got to be something that tears the two apart, seeming that they have no chance of making it work."<p>

* * *

><p>"<em>You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him <em>alone_," Lily spat at the boy._

_ ""I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on, go out with me and I will never lay a wand on old Snivelly again," James bargained._

"_I wouldn't go out with you if it were a choice between you and the giant squid!_"

* * *

><p>"And I think that's what makes this so...amazing. Because we've had that. We've had all of that," She smiled brightly. "I think that we've gotten to experience something that most people never will. And I know that this probably won't work. And I know that this is probably too much to ask, but I was wondering if you'd be willing to try this out." The very drunk girl looked at him hopefully.<p>

Sir Cadogan looked at the her with an odd facial expression. "Dear, I'm extremely flattered, but you must understand. My wife and I... We..." He trailed off for a moment.

"You have a wife, James? You aren't even eighteen years of age!" Lily looked astounded. "How late am I? Did it happen last weekend, or the one before?" She stood with an odd facial expression thinking about how when she finally opened up to the boy that she realized she loved, he was already married!

The painting merely shook his head at her and she heard him mumble something intelligible.

She slid her back against the wall until she was sitting on the floor, the stone being much colder than her intoxicated body. "It's not fair," She told herself, kicking her foot against the ground. "I quit. I just quit."

"Quit what, dear?" The painting questioned.

"The whole 'being honest with myself' thing. Just not my style."

The painting chuckled but neither said anything more. Lily was rather content with just moping. She wasn't really sure what to do with herself at this point, so she gathered herself off the floor and made way to the Gryffindor tower.

She only semi-successfully made it back, as she would have a few bruises from the the times the she accidentally ran into suit of armor. She told the password to the Fat Lady "Boggart," and waited for it to open but when nothing happened she asked what was going on.

"The password changed at midnight," The Fat Lady told her, not all too happily. "You just interrupted my sleep for no good reason at all!"

Lily didn't respond to the portrait and rather sat herself back down onto cold stone for the second time that evening. She mumbled to herself, complaining about her predicament, when she heard footsteps approaching.

"Who's there?" She called out, not thinking through the fact that it may be a teacher.

"Lily?" A voice asked. "Is that you?"

She nodded, not realizing at first that the person couldn't see her. "I mean, yes."

"Oh," The person came closer and into view and she realized it was none other than James Potter himself. "So you couldn't get in there either?"

"Nope," She replied, the 'p' popping on her lips quite loudly.

"Oh," He slowly sat next to her. "I feel like as Head Boy and Girl we should know when these password changes take place because it's terribly bothersome otherwise."

"Mhmm," She replied. "So how has marriage been for you?"

"Marriage?"

"Yes marriage," She repeated. "You turned me down for marriage so she better be a damn good wife, whoever she is. Otherwise that's a terrible deal for you."

"Lily, I'm not married.."

She gave a glare. "So are you saying you lied to me?" She grew frustrated.

"I haven't even talked to you since... Since earlier!" He chose not to mention the events that had occurred.

"Then who told me they were married? And why were they pretending to be you?" She stared at the boy. "I don't think I believe you."

"Have I got a ring?" She looked at his hand which was entirely bare. "And anyway, I'm barely seventeen. There's no way I'm married."

She looked at him long and hard. "I suppose not. So if that wasn't you do I need to retell my speech again?"

"Your speech?" He looked confused.

"Yes, I made a speech. I don't really remember it anymore, but I can try." She told him.

"Okay..."

"I..." She thought back to what she'd said earlier, but couldn't remember a word. "I'm going to make a new one," He nodded to encourage her. "I, Lily Evans, love you, James Potter, and I think that we should do something about it."

He raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Such as?"

And Lily Evans, the girl who had forever been his fascination, and who also happened to be far too drunk for her to remember all the details of this night so far, leaned in to kiss him, a memory she somehow never managed to forget.

* * *

><p><em>AN: So, this is it. It's officially come to an end. I'm terribly sorry about how long it took to update, but finals ruled over my life too much for me to write. <em>

_I won't be doing an epilogue, as I find those hard to makes for James and Lily, because they die far too soon for my liking. I hope you all enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it!_

_~YoungAndLiving_


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